I've found fame and fortune with my TV show “Poke a Celeb!”
The show begins with a short examination of a well-known celebrity by a celebrity doctor. This is very done very gently because these celebrities are very expensive and very fussy. The results are useless but the viewers love it – your favourite star having his prostrate checked or tested for mammary lumps.
Next we had two very minor celebrities examining each other, one after the other. These minor celebrities will do anything to get known, they weren't even paid, they just wanted the publicity. But we had to stop after only two shows because they damaged each other.
The high point of the program is of course my examinations, using my now well-known Orthogonal Therapeutic Tasmanian palpitatory method. Normally twenty hours are necessary to do a proper examination, but for TV I have to do a rush job in twenty minutes.
I have had lots of emails, many asking if is necessary that the celebrities groan and cry and scream during my examinations, many have suggested new techniques for the examinations. I use all the suggestions, they must be medically sound – they do increase the groaning and crying and screaming. Keep sending those emails!
As a special treat at the end of the current series of “Poke a Celeb!” I'm going to do a removal of a foreign body. Yes, I know that you can hardly wait for this, but you can suggest the name of your favourite star on the website www.pokaceleb.ott and don't forget the foreign body either. We've had some lovely suggestions.
Remember what I always say at the end of the program:
I am the Nurse and I want to examine you.