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Gun! Foot! Shoot! Foot! Shoot!
One of the policemen was wearing a cherry tree tied to his back. It was in flower – pretty pink blossoms. Every time he moved about it rained pink petals on his head and shoulders.
Chop your own wood – it will warm you twice.
It was the third day of the honeymoon and Betty was teaching the two of them the plumber's doorstop. It is not a very enjoyable position, you need to be very fit, but it's good for making babies. Betty was happy, the two were making progress.
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Yes, I've written about you. You who read my stories. And who I think you are, but hopefully not who I want you to be. Many websites have an ABOUT US link, but not many ABOUT YOU!
Do you wash potatoes in your washing machine?
I squeezed it and out came all this pus.
Battered babies may be served with chips.
Put food in your mouth from time to time.
Could do, but won't.
Mal passant, no dogs.
It was Colonel Mustard in the library with a can of peaches.
If you don't know the difference between viscous and vicious you may come to a sticky end.
The greenies have taken over the island, there are not many humans left. Jim Power has been sent to contact a group of survivors, if he can find any. He has a companion, a satellite telephone, some lead-barium pellets, a gun and something very... Continue reading...
Who the hell are you?
I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.
But it's August.
I have come to warn you...
that there will be no Christmas in August.
How did you know that?
spandrels and architraves
Robert is your father's brother.
A toddler in a 70-year-old body is an ugly thing.
Does your best friend know that you read StoryKettle.com ?
You'll have to tell her, you know.
Did you see Xmas biscuits in Lidl at the start of September?
I saw a left-over chocolate Father Xmas next to the Easter eggs in Aldi last January.
Your vacuum cleaner sucks.
Daffodils are honest.
Tulips are insincere.
Dahlias are lurid.
Who regularly incites political violence and is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and birther who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims – 1.6 billion members of an entire religion – from entering the U.S.
Perhaps I had eaten a policeman on the way home.
It's better than a kick in the head with a pointed stick.
You would think that this would drive any normal person crazy, but he was not normal and had always been crazy.
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