There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

I want to.

Well, you can't!

bottomspeak

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

Do you know? Someone wrote a story about two bottoms that spoke to each other.

Really? These writers get real low down, don't they?

bottom yes

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

She said I could do what I liked with her and I did.

bottom bitten

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

Speaking as a professional bottom biter I would say that this is good.

bottom décor

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

Yes! Very decorative, don't you think? I have them all over the house. It makes the place look lived in, don't you think?

bottom young

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

Just what every young man needs? Or most young men.

bottom rest

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

Something to warm my feet on.

bottom warm

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

I will probably have to wear a nightie when I get old.

bottom in India

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

I am not an Indian holy man and I can't resist the temptation and I do like biting.

bottom should have done it

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

You do things that my mother never told me about. Please do it again, Mrs Matchem!

bottom cold

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

I'm not going to sit on a cold wall again.

bottom reaming

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

I'm a bit young for a coloscopy.

bottom poor

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

It's time I got a new husband. One that can afford bed clothes. And clothes too. Why do I have to lie here catching cold because he has no money to buy me nice things. He's got no money to buy me anything. He's useless.

bottom several

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

I don't mind it really. I don't mind who does it – my parents, the neighbours, the fire brigade. But I do have to ask myself if it is hygienic?

bottom too much

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

That's it! I've had enough. No more! I won't be able to sit down for a week. Keep your mouths closed. It's all over. The end! Finish!

bottoms dead

There was a naked girl lying face down on the bed.

Was it a knife or was it poison? How was she murdered? Where's the gun? The blood? What sort of whodunit is this? We, the readers, have a right to know how she was murdered. There is always at least one murder at the beginning of a whodunit and whodunits are the only thing worth reading. I've had enough – I'm going to stop reading. Now!