We like a little bit of violence, don't we, Miss Jones?

Oh, yes, Miss Davis!

It's the underwear that does it. Jennifer buys it for us.

Oh, yes, the underwear!

On Saturdays we put it on, go for a drink or fourteen, and beat up some bad guys. Then we come home and have a good time with Cuthbert.

You've left something out, Miss Davis. We don't just put it on, the underwear, we have to get it right, we have to adjust it, get it right.

Oh, yes, Miss Jones! It only takes a few minutes to put it on, but over an hour to get everything straight. And even then it has to be adjusted every five minutes.

Oh, yes, the adjustments!

Yes, I ask you to adjust all my straps and you do it. No, not ask you, tell you! No, I demand it from you.

Oh, yes, Miss Davis. You demand that I adjust all your straps and bindings. You have every right to demand that I do that.

Oh, yes, Miss Davis! And you enjoy it too.

Oh, yes, Miss Jones! We both enjoy it.

Who are we going to beat up tonight? There aren't many bad guys left. Last week we read in the local paper about a burglar who broke into several homes. We caught him last Saturday and dragged him round the town with us. After that he couldn't stand, so we dragged him to the hospital.

It's a great pity about the policemen – we always like to hit people who wear funny clothes.

Yes, but they hide from us – perhaps they're scared of us.

We got a policewoman last week, I was going to rough her up, but you said that we should carry her back home for Cuthbert to play with.

Is she still there?

Yes, I think so.

Oh, let's go back and play with Cuthbert!

Oh, let's!

But first, Miss Davis, I demand that you adjust all my hooks and braces.

But of course, Miss Jones!

While Miss Davis made all the adjustments necessary and unnecessary to my underwear, and this took some time I can tell you, I thought pleasant thoughts.

Pleasant thoughts – being with Cuthbert, I mean, being on top of Cuthbert. I must say it, I go under the belt, I leave the top half of Cuthbert to Miss Davis. I sit on the bottom half of Cuthbert and suck his big toes. I don't know what Miss Davis does with the top half of him, but he likes it, he always asks for more, he is so grateful. Cuthbert is so wonderful, we all love him.

But you have to keep checking that Cuthbert is still breathing.