Once a year it happened, all the ladies gathered for an evening in the Winter Gardens, all the important people in Treedle-on-Sea were ladies. All the ladies who thought that they were important arrived late; Shining Light and the girls arrived early. Maureen was playing popular musical numbers on the organ. Shining Light and the girls had a reserved table.
First the welcoming and introduction from the Mayoress of Treedle-on-Sea and five rounds of Bingo, coffee and cakes. All the lights faded and on four walls appeared the latest Treedle-on-Sea promotion film – the last shot was of a little boy with bucket and spade on the splendid Treedle-on-Sea beach.
The town’s publicity director stepped onto the podium and explained the film: beach, sea, scenery, fresh air, countryside… She was about to round up the beauties of Treedle-on-Sea with another paean on the beach, when she was pushed off the podium by a large young man dressed as a Breaker Boy. He was followed by four more Breaker boys, the last one with an assault weapon.
Everybody thought that this was part of the entertainment – the first Breaker boy, stage left, began to speak. He told the ladies that they were all women and thus inferior to men, and worse than that they all worthless and deserved to expire. Most of the ladies did not understand any of this and applauded.
“You are all dross, you ignore the sexual rights of all men, you say no, you deserve to die.” Misogyny spoken loud. This must have been a cue: the Breaker Boy, stage right, lifted his gun and took aim at a candelabra.
LOUD EXPLOSIONS, BREAKING GLASS, SMASHING GLASS, VERY LOUD.
He had emptied a complete round of bullets into the candelabra, he had destroyed it, the ladies were now very uncertain. Petal was very upset, the boy had destroyed a beautiful candelabra, he must have been brainless to do that, what a bellend.
The boy lowered his eyes to the gun and replaced the ammunition clip. Petal stood up and took her chance. Petal grabbed the gun from the young man and hit him repeatedly on the head with the butt of the gun until he was brainless.
Beatrice wanted to be part of the action, she stood up and grabbed the microphone stand from the speaker boy and hit him repeatedly on the head until he too was brainless. Broken hearted were the other three Breaker Boys after Beatrice had attacked them.
Beatrice grabbed the mic and spoke the code words “Uncle Sandy to the pit!”
The trapdoors on the floor opened, and the mighty Wurlitzer rode over the ladies’s heads playing a medley of “I Do Like to Be Beside the Seaside” and “The Sun Has Got His Hat On And He's Coming Out Today”. All the lights faded and on four walls appeared the song words.
Everybody sang, everybody danced, all the golden oldies, it was the best part of the evening.
After four hours the rapid police response force arrived, but the Winter Gardens were dark and empty and silent – just one heap of broken glass and one heap of broken Breaker Boys.