| Uncle Tom: | So, you’ve been on holiday? |
| the cat: | Yeah, two weeks in a small quiet seaside town, out of season, very pleasant. However I’m not telling you what it’s called. |
| Uncle Tom: | And what did… |
| the cat: | We stayed in a good hotel, in the top floor suite. We went for walks along the sea front and up into the hills. Lots of cockles, winkles, and fish and chips. Great weather, great fun, just Angie and Jonathan, Griesela and me. |
| Uncle Tom: | And the sea water... |
| the cat: |
I knew you would ask me about that. I know that water is important, most of milk is water, I know, I drink a lot. But I don’t have to go near sea water. I don’t go on the pier. Let it be. I leave it where it is and that’s about right.
Angie and Griesela go swimming in it, that’s their thing, it’s not mine. |
| Uncle Tom: | And what about the young man you thumped? It was in all the media. |
| the cat: |
On the second day we were walking peacefully along the prom like hundreds of other people, when a somewhat confused man almost walked into us.
He started a speech, perhaps he had learnt by heart, about how bad it was to teach cats to walk on their hind legs and dance like humans. I was annoyed. I put the thought into his head that he should go away quickly and thus avoid a thumping from me. And that he did, I did not thump him. |
| Uncle Tom: | And... |
| the cat: | And what? I didn’t thump him – end of story. |
| Uncle Tom: | And the two young men in suits... |
| the cat: |
Now that is a story. We were sitting outside the hotel in the town square eating our breakfast…
There is a breakfast menu, I ordered kippers a few times, really nice. …when two young men in sharp suits came towards us and ordered us to check out from our hotel suite ASAP. And why? Speaking to Angie and Jonathan, “Do you want your two pets to suddenly disappear and never be seen again? Our boss wants you two out of his town.” |
| Uncle Tom: | So what to do? |
| the cat: | I hit the two thugs real hard, not just painful thumps, but enough to knock-out them out. I stacked them on a bench. |
| Uncle Tom: | And then what? |
| the cat: |
Angie took one the thugs’ phones and called their “boss”, “Hello boss, two of your guys need to be collected from the town square.”
It was market day, and someone from a fruit and veg stall emptied a sack of spoiled tomatoes and fruit onto the two men, they were obviously not well liked in the town. We finished our breakfast. and waited for the boss. |
| the cat: |
About an hour later a big car stopped nearby and out got a very large and bald man. He was very evil, very nasty and very hateful. He walked over to us. He was angry. He was terminated, EOB.
I did not have any choice, he was that bad, he landed on the spoiled fruit, everybody in the town square cheered. And we sang Pirate Jenny. |
Und fragen: „Welchen soll‘n wir töten?“ Und fragen: „Welchen soll‘n wir töten?“ Und an diesem Mittag wird es still sein im Hafen Wenn man fragt, wer wohl sterben muss... Dann werden Sie mich sagen hören: „ALLE!“ Und wenn dann der Kopf fällt, sag‘ ich: „HOPPLA!“