Hello, it’s good to be on your show. My name is Griesela and I’m a Leonberger – almost as big as a St. Bernard.
No, I’m happy with the cat and being in his show.
No, no problems with the cat being the cat and me being a dog.
Us Leonbergers have a reputation for being a bit aristocratic, and I have always tried to behave in a lady-like and good manner. However since I joined up with the cat, my life has changed, more outward-going, more fun, more cat and definitely for the better.
Yes, the cat is a member of the Black Corner Group, he’s the founder of the Smalltown group. I’ve been to several violences, they’re great fun. I’ve seen the cat terminating some muggers, but there ain’t much action any more in Smalltown.
Oh, EOF is Black Corner speak for End of Fish, EOP for End Of Politician and so on.
Yes, I think that it was love at first sight for the cat, it took a bit longer for me. At first I thought that he wanted to bite my head off, he is a gigantic cat, you know. But he told me nice things and I quickly changed my mind. We’ve been together ever since.
We normally sleep at the bottom end of Angie’s bed, she likes to warm her toes on us in the winter.
No, I’m going to pretend that I didn’t hear that question.
OK, I’ll tell you that story, I did promise to do so.
“But we dillied and dallied, dallied and we dillied: Lost our way and don't know where to roam. When you can't find your way 'ome.”
“Just like in the old music hall song. We were lost, we were no longer downtown, we were in a residential area – all quiet. Angie didn’t have her phone – Angie’s handbag was round Betty’s neck again for some reason – there was just the two of us.
I’d never been out of Smalltown before and now I was lost in the backstreets of Otherten – what to do?
Dusk had started, but it was summer and not very dark, but very quiet – no parties, nothing much. That house had the roller blinds down on the top floor, but there was bright light around the edges – was someone growing marijuana? And why was I attracted to that house? And was evil, nastiness and hatred coming out of that house?
Angie stared at me, was it true? Had I suddenly got a sense for evil, nastiness and hatred? Like the cat and Betty? Angie knew that she had to stand by me.
I charged the front door of the house knocking the door off its hinges. I ran in and up the stairs followed by Angie and broke down the door framed in bright light. What a sight! What evil, nastiness and hatred!
The room was full of bright lights and cameras on tripods. There were the two sources of evil, nastiness and hatred – two men – one nasty man controlling a camera and a second nasty man naked and bobbing up and down.
I can’t tell you what he was doing, I won’t tell you what he was doing. What to do? What had I got? I had better use it.
I opened my mouth as far as I could and sank my teeth into that bottom, that bottom that was bobbing up and down. DECHEEKING. I attacked the other cheek. The other man attacked my back with a large tripod. There was blood everywhere.
The naked man managed to stand up and I saw for the first time a little girl tied to a small bench and in the corner a little boy, being untied by Angie.
The two men tried to escape. I heard the naked man fall down the stairs, much screaming, then nothing, probably EONM2. The other man did not reach the door, I closed my mouth around his ankle. Did he struggle? Did he scream? Did it help him?
I heard the calvary pounding up the stairs, the cat and Betty burst into the room followed by the others. The cat thumped the footless man, probably EONM1. The cat took me in his forelegs and held me gently, did he have nice words for me?
Betty untied the little girl. I shall never forget the sight of Betty holding the girl and blood dripping out of the girl’s skirt and making a large red stain on Betty’s white tutu. Betty and Angie poured as much TLC into the children as possible and carried them to the nearby children’s hospital.
Reality caught up with me, my knees turned to jelly and I collapsed on the floor.
We were all in the Dreamboat Bar in downtown Otherten having a few drinks. We had had a great day, it was the first day, the founding day, of the Otherten Black Corner Group. We started with a violence: knocking down some unwanted trees, demolishing buildings, crushing old bicycles and so on. Specials guests were Betty from Bigtown and the cat from Smalltown. They gave special demonstrations in the afternoon. Grand dinner in the Bristol Hotel.
But we were not all there, Angie and Griesela, girlfriend of the cat, had perhaps gone for a walk for fresh air. Suddenly the whole group went silent, Betty looked at the cat and the cat looked at Betty. And off we went, where to unknown. Ralph, our treasurer stayed behind to pay for our drinks, we want to keep a good reputation.
We entered the house, stepped over a bottom-less man, climbed the stairs and entered the room. The room was full of bright light and red blood. Angie told us what had happened, how Griesela had discovered the source of evil, nastiness and hatred, how she had smashed her way into the house and how she had fought the two horrible men. She was the hero, she had saved the two children and stopped the two criminals. Griesela was covered in blood, a red Leonberger.
Betty and Angie carried the two little children to the nearby children’s hospital. Three of us wrapped Griesela up in bath towels and carried the wounded hero to a nearby vet.
I, being the group’s spokesperson, stayed in the house with the bottom-less and the foot-less waiting for the police to arrive.