treacle knights

So what have the kids been doing?

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Copyright © 2008, Michael M Wayman

We discovered what Little Girl and Little Boy had been doing when the School Director telephoned us.

This was a big surprise – why did the Twins go to school? Oh, we just wanted to find out what the other kids are doing.

I met the School Director in his office. This was a surprise – I had expected a woman. It was not a surprise that he thought that I was the Twins' Mother.

So what have the kids been doing?

No, no, no! We use the word children here, the School Director was very politically correct. The two children in question are not behaving properly in class. This is why I want to speak to you, as their Mother.

Yes, so what have the kids been doing? I repeated.

The School Director read from a list:

They are always talking to each other – they use a secret language.

They tell the class teacher when she makes mistakes.

They talk to the other children in their own language.

I interrupted: Why is that so bad? I don't understand. They are learning Swahili at home.

And why Swahili? he asked, he groaned.

Oh, I think they chose it from a list with a pin. Learning languages is not bad thing to do. I expect that they help the other children in the class.

The School Director took a deep breath and said, that is not what the children are allowed to do in the first class, not in any class. I have it here in black and white what the children must do. It is the law in this land. They are behaving as if they were six or seven years older. This is not allowed. He continued for another ten minutes and went red in the face. He was very upset. He stood up.

And, and, and this morning the two of them came to me and asked to change class and skip a few years. This is unheard of. No children have ever asked this before. It is not allowed. It is illegal. It is... He sat down. He could say no more.

Just then the Twins entered the office and said, Hello Dad!

The School Director managed, You are their Father? Mother? He could say no more.

Little Girl said that she was sure the School Director would put the two of them in another class, We're already chosen the top class.

The School Director opened his mouth and closed it again.

I asked the Twins if they really wanted to change class.

Oh, yes! The Twins shouted. It will much more fun.

The School Director opened his mouth. He wanted to say that fun was not allowed, they should do what they were told and learn what they were told.

The School Director managed, I can't take any more, I have the forms for the class transfer. Oh, I...

Little Girl and Little Boy took the forms and filled them out – they were happy now. I kissed the School Director and told him to take the day off.

I am often asked what I do for a living. I have once or twice made the mistake of telling people that I make money by helping people. I now say:

I am a collector of treacle.