writer

The publishers were not interested in my great works.

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Copyright © 2008, Michael M Wayman

My first works as a writer were short: “dead drop!” and “Xmas Happy!” The publishers were not interested in my great works.

I tried getting the order of the words right, “drop dead!” and “Happy Xmas!” Still no interest from the publishers. Perhaps, I thought to myself, this shows that quality is not so important.

I tried longer pieces, three, four or even six words, “The moon is not in bed.” I even got the words in the right order. No interest.

Quantity is what is wanted, I thought. I tried longer sentences – one of my works had over twenty words in it. No luck.

Then a breakthrough – perhaps more than one sentence. This was hard work. But no joy with the publishers – though one wrote back suggesting even more sentences.

And this is where the really hard work started. Lots of sentences, which meant hundreds of words if not thousands – I stopped counting. I worked for six months, and another six months to get the words in the right order, but still not enough sentences. I worked another year and finally it was published.

Was I proud of myself, after years of very hard work this great product of my brain was published. It sold well but not enough to live on.

I was getting thinner and thinner, and the work harder and harder. Another breakthrough, I could choose the words at random. I got a big dictionary and picked words with a pin. This was much quicker, but there was still the hard work to get the words in the right order.

A year later it was published – it did better than the first one, for half the work. That was the idea – less work and more words means more success.

I was proud of my work, there was still some quality left in it. Yes! If you rip a page out of it, and then rip it in half, and in half again a few times, and then look at that small piece in your hands. What do you see? Words and letters! Wow! What a quality work! Even such a small piece contains letters. Just think of it, each page contains more than one letter, hundreds perhaps. Is that not quality?

What did I say? Less work and more words means more success.

How could I do that? I tried pushing the dictionary through a paper shredder to produce words at random easily, but it was too big. I decided to degrade my work. Yes! I have said it “DEGRADE”. I had to, I wanted to live. I don't write words any more, I don't choose words at random. No! I choose letters at random, I use a pin and a piece of paper with the alphabet on it. I have degraded myself from words to letters.

I tried eating my works, I was so hungry. No! There was no way that I could work for over a year to get the letters in the right order. With so little money I would starve. OK, I thought to myself, the publisher wants quantity not quality, so don't get the letters in the right order. It was ready in a week.

My third and greatest work is full of letters and has been very successful. I have so much money now that I don't have to write any more. Can you believe it – I have baked beans with, wait for it, a fried egg for breakfast every morning. Yes, seven days a week, and also for lunch and for dinner. Am I not a rich man? Pity about the quality though.



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