Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen,
thank you for inviting me to UPhO-41 in the Grand Hyatt here in NYC. I am the mystery guest speaker at this year's Unidentified Phenomenon and Objects Conference. People call me Jim Power, the Exterminator of Monsters.
I am not a scientist, so why am I here? I too am curious, what are the monsters, where do they come from, where do they go to and are they dangerous?
I do not exterminate monsters, I do not kill monsters, I don't know if that is possible, I don't know if they are alive. I use the power inside me to rid the planet of monsters, they are dangerous. I do what a hunter does with a rogue elephant or a man-eating tiger.
I have placed my monster-log online, a description of every monster that I have seen, with links to all the media reports and videos. It could be better, it reads like a visit to a zoo written by a twelve-year-old child. No one has got close to a monster and lived.
I want to know more about monsters, I can help you to discover more about monsters, I want to help you scientists research monsters. This is my offer.
Now we come to the nasty part of my talk, many of you think that the power doesn't exist inside me, that the monsters are faked or just computer generated imagery, or even mass hysteria. You're entitled to your opinions, but where is your evidence, are you not scientists. Please open your minds now, before it is too late.
Do you know what's through those double doors on the right side of this auditorium? No, it's not Grand Central Station, it's a swimming pool. The power is welling up inside me, very soon all of you who think that I'm a fraud will be forced by the power to hold hands and jump into the pool.
Remember my offer to help with your monster research and thank you for taking the time to listen to me.