The monsters are back, I should not be happy, but I make money ridding the planet of these monsters. I advertise:
MONSTER EXTERMINATION – $500 pro MONSTER!
I got a call from the local TV station, a reporter wanted to interview me. I recognised the name of the reporter, it was a set-up, he was going to take the piss out of me because no one exterminates monsters. No problem for me, it paid money, it provided publicity and...
I arranged to meet him and his cameraman on a busy street on the edge of town. “Hello viewers, this Johnnie Oddball reporting from the edge of town and I want you to meet Jim Power who exterminates monsters and is standing next to me. Hello Jim!”
“Hello Johnnie, you want to see me exterminating a monster?”
“Ha, ha! You're a fraud, your name isn't Jim Power and you don't exterminate monsters. Admit it, you are a fraud.”
“It's true that my real name is not Jim Power, it's my trade name. It's also true that I don't exterminate monsters, I don't know how to, I don't know if it is possible to exterminate monsters. But I'm not a fraud, I can and do use the power. The power rids the world of monsters. What more do you want?”
“Ha, ha! There is no such thing as a monster, not on this planet. And what power? You have no power...”
“OK, a question. What is odd about this street? And what is this piece of metal sticking out of the walkway?”
Johnnie Oddball looks around and at the stump. “Dunno!”
“Well Johnnie, this street has no street furniture. This metal stump was once a street light. Who or what chewed it off and ate it?”
“You're trying to tell me that a monster chewed it off and ate it?”
“Let's walk along the street and see.” We passed more chewed-off stumps and then:
“What's that Johnnie?”
“It's obviously a green monster eating a fallen street light, isn't that what you want me to say, Jim?”
A large black limo stopped next to us and a large middle-aged lady with a huge golden necklace stepped out. “Allow me to introduce you, this is the Right Honourable Lady Gladys Rosebuns who is the Mayoress of this city and this is Johnnie Oddball who is a reporter from the local TV station and I'm Jim Power the Exterminator of Monsters. The Mayoress has asked me to rid the city of this awful monster.”
“What monster? It's a big plastic bag full of green-coloured water, that's what it is. And I'm going to prove it by poking a hole in it. Watch me!”
“I wouldn’t, it might be the last thing you do, Johnnie. Monsters are dangerous.”
As Johnnie approached the monster, it turned and fired a stream of red blobs at him. The blobs stuck to him. Johnnie lifted up into the air and floated in the wind back to us. The cameraman lassoed him with a microphone cable and tethered him to a fence to stop him drifting away.
The monster stood up on its nine legs, the standard number, it was much bigger now. It walked slowly towards us. Johnnie was hysterical, he yelled at me to do something. The Mayoress was also scared, she grabbed hold of me, very good. I felt the power scream up to maximum inside me.
The full theatrics of course. You know what happens, the sky goes black, thunder and lightening, the fallen street light stood up and turned on. The traffic stopped and sounded their horns. The street light wandered through the traffic to the other side of the road where it had always wanted to be and planted itself. It rained softly ping pong balls.
The monster stopped and turned slowly yellow and then red. The monster lifted slowly into the air and went up and up and away. The sun rose for the second time that day and the traffic drove over the ping pong balls.
The Mayoress was still clinging on to me. I took her home with me.