b and the wrong sort

Try to sort this one out!

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Copyright © 2009, Michael M Wayman

I was sitting on a bench when a transgender sat next to me.

Oh, you are a big man. Big and strong, wide shoulders, big hands, so handsome. I bet you are strong enough to lift a car. You do like men, don't you?

We went to his place.

This is my dear beloved Mother. Say something nice, Mum!

Say something nice, you say, Son. Ha! Look at you! I mean, real awful! You look awful. And there is nothing I can do about it.

She turned to me. Doesn't he look awful? Like real awful!

Yes he does look bad. The dress doesn't fit him at all, really bad. And why does he have to wear socks? He must have put the makeup on with a spade. And the hairstyle is OK for a female, yes, a female dog.

Can't you do anything about my son? I mean I have no chance. Perhaps you could...

Oh, yes! I think that I could do something. Yes, I'll do it.

Oh, that's good! I can cook real good, perhaps that will help.

Oh, yes! That's a good start. You get cooking and I'll start on him. This is going to take some time.

Right! Off with the dress! Right now! I suppose you thought that you could take one of your Mother's dresses and just wear it. Well, no! I've got news for you! Women have different shaped bodies than men. OK! They have the same number of legs and arms but everything else is different.

I found a sewing machine and nipped and tucked a bit.

Try that on! A little better. Off with it!

More adjustments. I pointed at the neck of the dress.

Do you know what this is? Yes, I know that is a hole. More news! Women have their heads at the top, not stuck up their behinds like you. Oh, go on! Try it on again!

About forty-two and a half times later it was about right.

Some hours later and some stockings and some sandpaper and some new makeup and a power tool for the hair the dinner was ready.

Real good. I mean the food. His Mother said that he looked almost human. I said that it was going to take a long time, maybe months, before he would look something.

Yes, it was worth it. The food that she made was real good. I made some falsies with an old sheet and some rice. I bought lots of clothes for him, clothes with a bit more style than his Mother's. Yes, I had to change them, here a bit less, there a bit more. This all took time. I took him to the hairdressers. I showed him how to do makeup and the eyelashes. This all took time. I tried to switch his brain on. I showed how to walk, talk and do things. This all took time. Yes, it was worth it. The food that the Mother made was real good.

I can't say finally. Still not perfect. I won't live long enough for that. The main thing was – the Mother was happy.

Yes, I will say this. My Son looks real good now, looks like the woman he always wanted to be. Yes, a big improvement.

I wasn't completely happy, there were more things to be done, more improvements, and I was hungry. This all took time.

One day I was in bed having fun with the Mother, when...

Don't look so disappointed!

Your Mother is great fun!

Go and find someone your own age!

And she left.

You think that I know women. How can that be? I am only a man named b.