Too big for words.

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Copyright © 2009, Michael M Wayman

I'm big. Real big. Big in every way. Every bit of me is big, especially my personality. You won't find any silicone on me. I'm real and big and really big.

I've got my own show. I appear on other shows. I raise the roof. I party. I get time to sleep sometimes. Some people say that my ego is so big that it leaks out of me, and so it should otherwise I would explode.

I like big money, big times, big parties and big men, only big men. Trouble is, I wear men out quickly, even the toughest last only a year. After marrying and divorcing for the twelfth time I gave up, not on men, no, on marrying. As I said, I like big money, I give to charity, like I support a home for tired men. All my ex-men are there, them that are still breathing, but I don't visit, the excitement might shorten their lives.

Last week it was, I was a guest on some talk show, another chance to broadcast my ego, when it happened. A man came forward from the audience and picked me up and carried me away. A great trick! Everyone in the country thought that it was a great trick, me too, even though I knew nothing about it. But it wasn't planned. He carried me outside and booked into a hotel and we had a great night together.

Why did he do it? He fancied me.

We've been together now for three years, not a week. Why do I like him? He's not a sports star, not a pop star, not a film star, so why? He doesn't look big, just average really. But he is big, big inside, big as a battle cruiser. So he's big enough for me, plenty big really.

He can party and raise the roof as good as anyone. He can make me happy any time. But he also does small things. You won't believe this, but sometimes me and him sit on the couch and eat popcorn and watch TV. I have never had time to watch TV before. No, not sports or car racing, no, mostly me.

It was a big surprise to see me on a small screen, I'm even bigger than I thought. I can see the ego and personality just pushing its way out of me. Some of it drips on the floor but most of it splashes on the people around me, there are always people around me.

I have asked him if I overdo it. He says no, I've gotta get bigger. He has his ways to supercharge me, any time I like and more.

I'm big. He's bigger. He makes me the biggest. And I like it.

Have you read eight and a piece missing?