Offcuts 2007 from the Story Kettle

Offcuts archive for year 2007

bits and pieces, miscellaneous,
odds and ends, jumble, all sorts,
this and that, odds and sods,
left overs, sundries, other bits,
bits and bobs, titbits, snippets
Krims krams, Vermischtes, Rezepte,
Diverses, Sonstiges, Verschiedenes,
Reststücke, Ramsch, Allerlei
Deutlich Deutsch  Deutch

new offcuts
offcuts 2010
offcuts 2008  2009
index of titles
site map

My English teacher used to swear:
Omsk, Tomsk and Vladivostok!

There is a bit of an overlap
from 2007 to 2008; so are offcuts.

Wo ist Oslo in der Tschechoslowakei?

Dürfen Vögel menschen?

Time had a start.
Had time an end?

Defenestration for all politicians!

As a little boy I had difficulty doing up my shirt buttons.
So, I used to ask my Mother for help
and she said (engage deep voice):
You are old enough and ugly enough to do it yourself.

Every one has the right to make mistakes.    
It's just that some people overuse it.

Only a wise man can be wrong
all of the time.

Ich habe alle Tassen,
bloß der Schrank fehlt.

Violence is fun,
but makes a mess on the carpet.

JASOND always comes late in the year.

He was 57 years old,
so they called him Heinz.

And the best bit always comes last –
I hope that you too can fall asleep
in the arms of your lover tonight.

Die beste Fernsehfernbedienung
ist ein Ziegelstein.

Gute Kneipen haben einen Handlauf
20 cm über dem Boden.

HNO: If a five-hole doctor does
throat, nose and ears,
what does a one-hole doctor do?

What does dog spell backwards?

Komisch schon, aber
bösartig bestimmt nicht!

Gesundheit ist richtig,
aber man sollte es genießen.

Was kann ich dafür?

You are not ready for the Torkle sequence!

Kuhsaft ist weiß.
Bienenklebe ist süß.

Mit Schwierigkeiten kann man alles machen.

People in meringue houses
don't drink beer.

Some days you hate,
some days you hate yourself,
some days are even worse.

Bunny, without you I would fall apart –
I would just be little bits all over the floor.

Not having four legs
I would rather have an arsehole
than an asshole.

It was as bad as I had expected
and so good as I had hoped.

It was Colonel Mustard in the library
with a can of pineapple pieces.

Mein Medial Malleolus
ist knubbelig.

Have I really four knobbly medial malleolus?
Or are they medial malleoli?
Yes, but two medial malleoli
and two lateral malleoli;
but all four of them are knobbly.

You are blessed with this
and cursed with that.

Where's the glacé cherry
to put on the top?

Gut City Blues
Gut City in the morning
Gut City in the night
Gut City you're all right

Arme Politiker!
Sie müssen Bild Zeitung lesen.

Erhöhen den Wert Ihrer Wohnung
mit einem Kotzbecken!

Ich bin widerlich da!

What does the fourth monkey not do?

Better corned beef than cornered rat! recipe

When you get older you get to be wiser,
but not wise.

The sails of my life are whim driven.

Sommer ist wann die Sonne
rechts vom Kirchenturm
in Bickendorf untergeht.

Unser Mikrowellengerät ist zu klein,
der Abteilungsleiter passt nicht hinein.


Die beste Zeit im Leben
ist die zwischen den Windeln.

Stomachion is a children's game,
with 14 pieces, invented by Archimedes

A pair of shoulders and a hook?
a coat hanger

spoon rest – use a teaspoon recipe

mums = my usual mischievous self

Das Zerlegen der Kollegen
ist während der Arbeitszeit
nicht gestattet,
außer donnerstags !!!

Who was mad, bad and dangerous?

What happened to
the stainless steel tree holders?

Beim Cordsamt kriegst du keine Jeans.

He lit a candle.
She lit a candle.
It was suddenly light.

“A pair of leftover nothings”
a title looking for a story

Beware of the half per cent!

It's good to know
That your nose points down,
Otherwise when it rains
You would drown.

Copyright © 2007, Michael M Wayman

I started here at the end

Copyright © 2007, Michael M Wayman