installing the Story Kettle

An offcut from the Story Kettle

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Copyright © 2011, Michael M Wayman

You must not touch the Story Kettle with your bare fingers. Discard it. Take a freshly packed Story Kettle and open the package taking care not to touch the Story Kettle. Extract the Story Kettle with a clean pair of pointed pliers that have been dipped in alcohol, turpentine or isopropanol (not distilled water) and carefully place the Story Kettle in the supplied socket. Repeat the process until: The Story Kettle shines with a clear ray of blue light!

FAQ: Why not distilled water?
Distilled water often contains a small amount of grease and thus it is not suitable.

FAQ: Can I use this method to install other objects?
Yes! Just write the instructions in large letters on your living room wall and cross out the words Story Kettle and write other objects in the same places. Easy, really!

FAQ: I can't get the Story Kettle into the socket. What am I doing wrong?

FAQ: What voltage should I use?
Sharpen two of your fingers and place them in a nearby wall socket.

FAQ: The Story Kettle shines with a clear ray of green light.
Try installing on another day of the year.

FAQ: How do I deinstall the Story Kettle?
You don't.

FAQ: How do I uninstall the Story Kettle?
You don't.

FAQ: Why can't I use my fingers?
Take them out of your mouth.

FAQ: Why can't I use my fingers?
The Story Kettle must be absolutely free of grease otherwise it will explode and may damage you.

FUQ: Why should I install the Story Kettle?
See next FAQ.

FAQ: What does FUQ mean?
Fucking Useless Question, have you no brains?