how not to €uro

An offcut from the Story Kettle

StoryKettle » Offcuts » how not to €uro

Copyright © 2007, Michael M Wayman

We Brits don't want any of this €uro rubbish. It sounds like going to the lavatory. Who wants to say: Just going for an €uro! Or worse: Pay me now or I'll €uro all over you.

But I have to say these one pound coins are valueless, I just chuck them away. A friend of mine drills holes in them and uses them as washers. No, let's have a proper new currency, a really British one, the New Farthing.

With a rate of four and a quarter pounds to the New Farthing the conversion will be easy. And the new coins? No problem, we set up a Coin Reproduction Assembly Plant in every town to produce the new coins out of high quality tin cans. All the unemployed get a job to cut out the coins with nail scissors, no problem. And no silly symbol like an F with a stroke through it, we will take the first four letters of the word farthing, simple really.

After a couple of years the New Farthing will become valueless and we will have to introduce the Old Farthing, eight and nine tenths New Farthings to one Old Farthing. We will be rich and be able to say: Britain has a lot of Old Farts.