I am sitting here covered in chocolate pudding. I am waiting for Cuthbert. I am not going to tell you what I'm going to do to Cuthbert. Cuthbert won't tell you either, probably not.
It took a long time to discover chocolate pudding. At first I wanted something sweet, although Cuthbert said that I was sweet enough, he still says that.
We tried honey and jam and molasses and syrup and so on, but anything with sugar in it is too sticky. We just stuck together, which was quite good, but not quite what we wanted.
We tried various oils and creams, which are of course slippery, which is good, but they don't taste good. Tomato ketchup was a disaster. Don't try anything salty or sour – it hurts.
No, what you need is something that tastes OK and is slippery and not too sticky.
Chocolate pudding also works well with the other girls in the harem. It is not very expensive, another advantage.
Chocolate pudding is what we use.