It wasn't my birthday and it wasn't Xmas either, but there on my desk was a present. It was all wrapped up in pretty bows and decorated with red stripes. It was a human being, it looked at me.
I was tired, I had just taken a big group of schoolgirls on a natural history walk together with three other teachers. We go every month, we see the changes of the season, we ask questions, only the brighter girls take part, it's fun really.
I just wanted a quiet evening, I wasn't on duty, I wanted to skip dinner and watch TV or read a book.
But there on the table was a present for me, a human being, a man. I think it was a man, it looked like a man, it had parts that I don't have and was missing bits that I have.
How delightful! A man at last! I had always wanted one. I sat down and looked at it. The bows were made of nylon stockings, they could have been mine. And why was there a pair of frilly knickers, my frilly knickers, stuffed in its mouth – to stop it speaking perhaps? It was certainly well tied up.
Yes, very nice indeed, but I have to admit that I had no idea what to do with a man. I certainly didn't want to cook it and eat it – it was too big. What to do?
More thinking, suddenly light bulb, where was that funny booklet that I had confiscated from one of the girls? It was in the bookcase, it was called Hot Girls. She had said that her mother had bought it for her as a guidebook – I did not believe her.
I had never found the time to look at it before. The text was really simple – Penelope ties up her teacher and gives it to him – just right for dimwitted schoolgirls – but the pictures were big and colourful and very explicit – it was just what I wanted – a guidebook for the use of a man.
I skipped over the pages until I found the picture of the teacher tied up and then I got started. Great fun, I really enjoyed it, but one little problem – where did I get the leather strap from? I don't have a dog or a horse.
No problem, there was a leather strap stuck in the man's left ear and another one in its right ear. Really amazing, best time I've had in years – I got to the end of the booklet after an hour. Wow, was I tired.
No wonder the booklet was titled Hot Girls, I was really hot and tired, no wonder Penelope was unclothed, she was probably very hot too.
Very satisfying, but no, I started thinking. Why had I spent my adult life teaching stupid schoolgirls in a boarding school, when there were better things in life. I looked at the man, it seemed happy enough, so I turned the pages back and did it all over again.
Very satisfying, very enjoyable, very good – the man looked happy too. I thought about men, when had I last seen one? Last year on parents' day.
Each of the girls' mothers was brought to the school in a car driven by a man and later on driven away again, to an apartment I suppose. I realised at this point the advantage of frilly panties.
If the men had had frilly panties stuffed in their mouths they would not have spoken so much garbage. Unfortunately I must add, some of the mothers needed panties too.
The thought of another day starting with the schoolgirl chorus “Guten Tag, Fräulein Sargnagel!” was depressing, I could do better.
Another light bulb. My present had a pair of frilly panties in its mouth and this was correct and necessary. I asked it if it had a car, it nodded, I asked it if it had an apartment, it nodded.
I untied it, dressed it and threw some things including Hot Girls into a small suitcase. The man carried it to the car and we drove for about an hour. I read aloud from the booklet.
The apartment was a complete mess, but that wasn't important, what was important was the big heap of guidebooks. It took some time to find the right instructions – Annie shows Jackie what to do with the milkman.
I followed the text, I picked up my present and threw it on the bed just like in the booklet. I think that I over did that, its eyes were closed for the next hour, but no problem, I continued with the booklet.
Very satisfying, very enjoyable, very good – the man looked happy too. It was getting dark, I hadn't eaten since lunchtime, but it was not important. I wondered if men need to eat too.
I thought long and hard about men, they are useful, I can recommend them, but don't forget the frilly knickers, they can drive you about in cars, you can do amazing things with them, they are so soft and warm, just right to go to sleep on.