Stefanie's a nice kid, just one thing about her though. But I really have to ask myself why I'm being asked to write this. Scraping the bottom of the barrel is what I call it. Why bother to ask me what I think. What do I know, I'm just the horse. Nothing round here is real, I mean I have never understood anything. Frau Alpert is not German, we are not in Germany, why does she call herself that? And I have my doubts about Stefanie.
Bob is not Bob, he told me himself. Does he own this house, I don't know, he lives here but he doesn't have a room. And I'm not really a horse, although I have a tail like a horse, I give riding lessons and live in a stable in the basement. No, I'm not really a horse, even if I would like to be one.
Steffie talks to me a lot. She always likes to show me her new clothes. We look at catalogues together. She spends hours deciding what to wear and what make-up to use. She laughs at me and says that I have only two changes of clothes and only one tail. “If I were a horse, and that's never going to happen” says she “I would have several tails, all different colours. One would be silver with glitter in it for parties.”
I say always that I like my tail; I can wear it with different lengths; it's a nice brown colour; it suits me. And why do I have to have lots of clothes, there is a limit to how much you can wear at any one time. And why shouldn't I dress like Frau Alpert, it suits me.
And that's the problem. Why is she always complaining about Frau Alpert? I hear it all the time. “Frau Alpert is not nice to me. Frau Alpert won't buy me this or she won't buy me that. Frau Alpert doesn't like me, hates me. Why do I have to sleep with Frau Alpert every night? Why should I sleep with Bob?” and so on and so on. I tell Steffie to be nice to Frau Alpert, be kind to her, tell her nice things.
But no! She won't. I mean, Frau Alpert is really the nicest person that I have ever met. She is kind to everybody including Steffie. In fact, especially Steffie, she pays for all Steffie's fine clothes. Everything! Whatever Steffie wants Frau Alpert pays for it. Always!
Frau Alpert goes to work to earn money to pay for Steffie's wardrobe; Steffie just looks in the mirror all the time. Steffie has more clothes than a clothes shop and enough shoes for a whole town.
Steffie is very pretty, this is true. Everybody says so, which Steffie really likes to hear. And another thing, it's always Steffie who wants to sleep with Frau Alpert. Steffie never sleeps by herself, she can't; why I don't know.
And what's wrong with sleeping with Bob? I mean Bob sleeping with you – he hasn't got a room for himself. He's not proud; he's slept on the hay with me in my stable quite often and so has Frau Alpert. Not that Steffie would, in a thousand years, sleep on straw, much too refined for that.
So that's Steffie. I ask her why she's got to have so many clothes and she says “A young girl like me has always to look at her best. I mean, I really need to look good. And I do, don't I?” I always say yes, which is always true. I have decided to get another tail, a black one, for formal occasions like weddings and funerals.