low end

J K –tvshow.

StoryKettle » THE CAT » low end

Copyright © 2020, Michael M Wayman

“Welcome, welcome back to the Jay Kay Bahr TV Show. And in our last segment tonight we are going to be speaking to and hearing from somebody who cannot speak and cannot hear and isn’t even human. But is very popular.”

“Welcome to the cat!” Big round of applause. The cat walks in his usual jaunty way on his back legs across the studio floor, he is wearing a small pork pie hat as usual. He jumps onto the desk in front of Jay and shakes a paw with him. “Hello cat!”

“And our second guest is...” Angie skips across the studio floor and shakes hands with Jay. “Hello Angie, welcome to the show!” She takes a seat on the sofa. “As you all know, Angie has become the cat’s manager and minder, she also remains his friend. And also acts as his ears and mouth.”

“Hello Jay, this is the cat speaking. Thanks for having the two of us on your show.”

“I think up ideas in my head and place them in Angie’s head and she articulates them. She hears stuff and thinks it into my head. That’s how it works.”

“So you’re the cat who can read minds, what am I thinking about?”

The cat looks uncertainly at Jay, does he really want everybody to know what he is thinking about. The cat goes deeper into Jay’s mind. “A very happy thought, Jay is thinking about his partner who is having a big round-number birthday soon. Jay is thinking about a present for his partner, something half-round, square and half-round. It is jewellery in red, yellow and red – unusual colours...”

“Oops! Too deep. Jay is bright and shiny and very friendly on the outside, but very private inside. I have upset him, I’m sorry Jay. I’ll change the subject. Mr Camera­man please zoom in on me. I want to tell everyone something about me.”

“About a year ago I was badly injured in a battle with the Wrench Boys, I nearly snuffed it. It was Betty who carried me away to a doctor who sewed me up and cared for me. It took three months to recover, much time to think. Who am I?”

“It sounds very obvious, I’m some sort of cat, but which sort? I’m not human, although I spend most of my time with humans. I look like a domestic cat, but I’m not one of those; they have very small brains and are much smaller than me. They delight in catching small rodents and songbirds, biting through their necks and eating them. I find this repulsive.”

“I’m not a small tiger or small lion, no, that’s not me. I have talked to a lynx and a mountain cat, but I’m not one of those either. So, you want to know the answer.”

“What sort of cat am I? I am a sort of cat. That is the answer. I asked a mamma­logist and she agreed.”

“Next question: where am I going to find a partner who is like me? A female too. Yes I’m a bit old-fashioned, rather hetero. I’m still looking.”

“The studio floor manager is making signs at me to wind up and finish. So let the credits roll up over my face and Angie will say what Jay says at the end of each show:”

Thanks for having us! Thanks from everyone here in the studio! Until next time, Everyone here in studio enjoy yourselves! Everyone at home enjoy yourselves!