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Jay Kay Bahr TV Show 1.

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Copyright © 2020, Michael M Wayman

“Welcome, welcome back to the Jay Kay Bahr TV Show. And in our last segment tonight we are going to be speaking to and hearing from somebody who cannot speak and cannot hear and isn’t even human. But is very popular.”

“Welcome to the cat!” Big round of applause. The cat walks in his usual jaunty way on his back legs across the studio floor, he is wearing a small pork pie hat as usual. He jumps onto the desk in front of Jay and shakes a paw with him. “Hello cat!”

“And our second guest is...” Angie skips across the studio floor and shakes hands with Jay. “Hello Angie, welcome to the show!” She takes a seat on the sofa. “As you all know, Angie has become the cat’s manager and minder, she also remains his friend. And also acts as his ears and mouth.”

“Thanks for having the two of us on your show. And now for the ears and mouth game.”

“Hello Jay, this is the cat speaking. I think up ideas in my head and place them in Angie’s head and she articulates them. She hears stuff and thinks it into my head. That’s how it works. The TV show is different however, somebody speaks and sings my stuff, except when I sing my love songs, and some computer adjusts the video to move my lips, or what you think are my lips. Its simple synchron­isation really.”

“And in different languages?”

“Oh yes, Jay.”

“I’m a cat and I can’t speak like a human, because like most animals I have the wrong shaped mouth, my vocal chords are different and in the wrong place. I can hear you humans talk, unfortunately I can’t understand what you’re talking about. But guess what I’m working on now, Jay.”

“Another love song?”

“I’ve just finished an album of my songs. But we are in the month of June...”

“Aha! You must be working on your Xmas show.”

“Very good, two shows really. A show with many guests for Xmas Day and a panto for Boxing Day. It could be Puss in Boots again, but a new version, or Jack and the Beanstalk. And if it’s any good we’ll take it on tour round the country.”

“And what about your work for the Black Corner Group?”

“Not a lot going on at the moment, Jay, most of the evil and nasty and hateful are no longer in Smalltown; it’s not that big, you know. All the evil fish are gone, including the big one. The Wrench Boys are no more...”

Jay stood up, “Time to go to our little stage, ten of the studio audience on my left, ten to the right, and the cat, Angie and me in the middle. Let’s all join hands...”

The whole troupe joins hands in a row and touch their hands on the floor at the back of the stage. The band plays, they rush forwards, standing up tall with their hands high in the air and shouting “Whay! Hay!” as loudly as they can.

They repeat that ten times, just as the cat always did at the end of his show. The credits roll up over the screen and Jay says as he always does:

Thanks for having us! Thanks from everyone here in the studio! Until next time, Everyone here in studio enjoy yourselves! Everyone at home enjoy yourselves!