Is this a recipe for black hearts or sour hearts?

StoryKettle » Amy » blaggard

Copyright © 2017, Michael M Wayman

You are probing my chest with a stethoscope trying to hear my heart and my lungs. I tell you, I ain't got none – no heart – no lungs – I don't need'em.

I'm lying here asleep on a hospital bed with a cardiologist and an internist listening to my inner voice with their stethoscopes. Hello Doctor James and Doctor Plume!

I'm lying here asleep for my recovery which I do every two months. It usually takes about two hours, but this time two days. I ain't dead – got it?

But I'm not heartless, I'll sing you a song:

Anyone who had a heart Would take me in his arms and love me, too You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me Like you hurt me and be so untrue Anyone who had a heart would love me too Anyone who had a heart would take me In his arms and always love me too Why won't you

And here's my recipe for Black Hearts

Cut fat and gristle from the heart and wash out any remaining blood under running water.

Fry the heart from all sides with oil and with the onion, garlic and carrot.

Add one litre of water (or mixture of water and vinegar for that extra sour taste) and the rosemary, the bay leaves and the juniper berries. Simmer gently for 90 minutes (or use a pressure cooker to save time). DO NOT ADD SALT.

Take out the heart and let it cool. Add the wine and the stock powder to the remaining liquid in the pan and heat until it boils. Add salt and pepper to taste and thicken the sauce with the corn flour.

Cut the heart into fine slices and remove any funny bits.

Serve the sliced heart and the sauce with dumplings or noodles and salad.

I've been here for more than a day – you keep asking me the same questions – you are convinced that I have finally murdered Amy – it must be so – she hasn't moved for over 24 hours – she's been taken to the top hospital in the country and the top doctors still haven't found her continuous-flow blood pump that she has instead of a heart.

For the last time: she is undergoing recovery and will be her usual lively self in a few hours. That is all.

I've had enough, I'm going to change this police interview room into a kitchen and I'm going to get something nice to eat, maybe you would like to join me.

I'm going to put my hand in the air and wiggle my fingers and big surprise. The room is slowly turning into a kitchen. Margaret Thatcher, Barbara Castle and Heidi Wieczorek-Zeul are walking in. Barbara will do the dumplings, Heidi the black hearts and Margaret the serving. I wish you what!