I was ready, I knew from the Internet that the president was in town, and very importantly, that he, the president of Fatland, was going to make a very important speech in the House of the Deputies to all the deputies. It was probably going to be the declaration of the invasion of Thinland.
I was in the right place, haunched behind a ventilation grating, ready to spring out and ‘it ‘im.
The president was waffling, like he was using words that are not in any known language; however he changed his tone; he became more serious, he spoke about Thinland, he spoke about Thinland very negatively, I sprung out of a grating/nowhere and hit him.
Bang! I managed to hit him three times before we fell to the floor. Bang! My damage control reported total failure in my left knee. I later discovered that I had been shot in the back of my left knee – an Achilles heel that I didn’t know about. And the bullets that didn’t hit me had felled the president.
I dragged myself back through the grating, I heard more shooting, it took hours to reach my place of safety really deep in the ventilation system: a source of power and a good internet connection.
And there I stayed for the next month or so, I discovered with the aid of the internet what had happened. The video clips from the security cameras were really poor – maintenance is non-existent in Fatland – I was not recognisable.
The House of the Deputies was full of deputies and the president was giving a boring speech. The president changed the tone of his speech, a totally unknown person suddenly appeared in front of the president and hit the president.
Several deputies pulled out their handguns and shot the assailant, unfortunately most of their bullets hit the president, the assailant disappeared. Other deputies pulled out their handguns and shot other deputies – that was their opportunity.
All the guards, the assistants, the secretaries and the sergeant at arms left the chamber at the first shot; they were mostly unharmed. The president and all of all of all of the deputies were lost. The assailant disappeared never to be seen again.