It was a bit of success, he did bang his head on the wall on his way to the front of the stage, but only once. And we did not have to hear yet another boring speech from Our Dear Leader; indeed we did not have to travel to Big City for the following six weeks – Our Dear Leader was a bit poorly.
I’m a teacher and Friday is a librarian – she calls me Saturday. We are public employees, we have to take the train to Big City every weekend to hear the speech. The state pays for the tickets and after the speech there is always something good to do in the capital.
“Saturday,” she says, “perhaps we are too far from Our Dear Leader, our thoughts are too weak when they reach him.” “Maybe.” It was true that we did not have seats in The Grand Hall, those seats were reserved for the governing elite, we had to watch a huge screen in an old and tired theatre.
“I’ve got an idea. We are not going to persuade him to terminate himself by repeatedly banging his head on a wall. I think that we should use our thoughts to boil all the bodily fluids in his head.”
“Termination by boiling?”
“Yes, let’s try it this coming weekend.”
We tried it. It worked. It was quite spectacular. Steam coming out of every orifice.
And better still, he collapsed onto the very heavy lectern and crashed into the front row of his audience – termination by lectern – crushing the chief of the army and several others.
Panic and chaos and stampede – a sudden panicked rush of the elite. Everybody tried to leave The Great Hall. Several members of the elite were flattened, including the chief of police. Great fun.
We watched it all on the big screen. “Let’s go for a cup of coffee!”