“Me Mom sent me. They're too small. Mom said you could help me. What I really need is two big squirts of silicone...”
“Your name is Joan, isn't it? Please come in and sit down. My name is Mrs Tinge. An operation is rather drastic; there are other ways, Joan. Please take off your T-shirt and I will examine you.”
“How am I going to get a boyfriend, it's not fair, all the other girls have plenty of wood in front of the house.”
“Yes, you can't say that they are big, but coming along. Your lovelies will grow in size, that's usual. But I know – you can't wait – you're young and I can understand that. I could fit you up with falsies and a bra to match. But you don't want that either – you want the real thing.”
“If you want them to grow faster, you need hormones. Get pregnant, that'll grow 'em. Maybe not now, but in a couple of years...”
“Mrs Tinge, how am I going to...”
“Yes, you need a boyfriend or a girlfriend, someone to stimulate your lovelies. Five minutes for each side...”
“But I ain't got a...”
“Oral is best, in the mouth. You haven't got a boyfriend? I know that, you've told me several times. But I've got an idea, you're eighteen aren't you, so I can help. Come round to my home at seven in the morning before I go to work, I know what to do.”
“Oh, that was good. What's special about today, Joan?”
“It's Wednesday, it's measurement day.”
“That's right and you can see that they are growing day-by-day, millimetre-by-millimetre. Soon you will need a B-cup...”
“Mrs Tinge, you keep giving to me, every day; time I gave something back.”
“Wednesday is my special day, my day off. It's my volunteer day, I'm going to the big old people's home on the edge of town. Would you like to come with me? As my assistant?”
“Yes, I want to help.”
“Can you sing? Can you hold hands?”
“How are you today, Mrs Spake? Not so good?” Mrs Spake was not very happy, she was not really there and her titties were sore.
“What you need, Mrs Spake, is a new bra and a bit of cheering up. As we get older our shape changes, your lovelies need more support.” Mrs Tinge examined the lovelies. Joan held Mrs Spake's hand and sang:
Those were the days my friend We thought they'd never end We'd sing and dance forever and a day We'd live the life we choose We'd fight and never lose For we were young and sure to have our way.
Two more songs from the 1960s and a new bra and Mrs Spake was a new person.
He was unhappy, “I don't want to speak to anybody, go away!”
“But I can help you, Mr Simes, really I can.”
“How? Just go away, you have no idea...”
“I think I do, why don't you get it off your chest? I know all about men's chests.”
“Mrs Tinge, you're not going to go away, are you? Right, I'll tell you, then you'll go away. I'm a man and I got two big breasts, always a problem. Can you imagine, a man with tits? Then it got worse, breast cancer. Now I've got a big hollow and a huge tit that sticks out. I don't want to meet people...”
“Mr Simes, I've got something for you, I know about these things, ask the ladies here in the house. Here is a falsie to even things up and a manssière to flatten them.”
Mrs Tinge helped Mr Simes with the manssière and Joan massaged his back.
“Feeling better now, Mr Simes?” Mr Simes cried.
“You've been helping me all day, Joan, thank you.”
“Let's go back to your place, Mrs Tinge, I want to give you something more.”