one name

Every citizen of our Great and Glorious Nation must have a family name.

StoryKettle » Brass » one name

Copyright © 2016, Michael M Wayman

The world was coming to an end or the country at least, the end of everything. Everybody was talking about it, on the TV and radio and down the pub.

Funny, but I had noticed no change. “But don't you realise no one will get paid, no one can be born, or marry or die – the National Register is kaput.” There had been a national census and the National Register had been updated and now the world is coming to an end.

Funny, I had received several letters addressed to   Yudi [UNKNOWN]  and one to   [UNKNOWN]  Yudy

I sent them back, I've only got one name and it certainly isn't   [UNKNOWN]

Then came the heavy mob, the National Register Police Force (NARPO). “What's your second name?” they demanded.

“I haven't got a second name, no family name.” I showed them my Mongolian passport. “I was born in Mongolia, probably in a black yurt on the steppes, but honestly I don't remember. And no, you can't call me Yudi Yudi, that sounds silly, I'm the Mayor of Brasslans, you know.”

They tried very hard to make me take a family name, any name. But no, I remained obstinate, what did I want a second name for?

This was too much for the NARPO, no one had ever said NO to them before. They threatened me and left.

Two days later the Head of the Government of our Great and Glorious Nation made a speech before Parliament:

“Every citizen of our Great and Glorious Nation must have a second name, a family name; especially the mayor of every village, town and city in our Great and Glorious Nation. The National Register is the backbone of everything we stand for, every citizen must have family name.”

This was obviously directed at me, however I didn't have a TV, it was two days before anybody told me. Down the pub somebody told me about the right-wing politician who said that I ought to be shot for being unpatriotic.

A mob broke into my office at the Town Hall and demanded – you can guess. I pointed to two very large letters that I had written on the whiteboard on the wall. Yes, they really thought that I would change my name to    Yudi No

A week later some bright guy at the National Register fixed the bug in the database software and nothing more was heard about it.